درس اصلی

Well

Today

Let’s talk about an important part of our lives…

What is it?

Finding a job?

That’s really important

But today we’re not gonna talk about that.

Marriage

Today we’re gonna talk about marriage.

Marriage is super important.

Let’s talk about why it is important?

We have different needs in our lives

We have primary needs

Like food, shelter, clothes.

And we have secondary needs

Like love, support, company, friendship and so on.

And how exactly can we achieve it?

By marrying someone we love the most…

Yeah I know people these days have their guards up

And they’re not a huge fan of marriage.

Because they think they’re gonna be limited

And of course it’s a huge challenge.

Right?

I had the same attitude.

When I was between the ages of 18 and 22, 23 I thought that marriage was a huge waste of time.

Girls

Who cared?

I would just break up like a jerk

And not give a damn about it.

Then with English

I started listening to good resources.

Like audiobooks, podcasts Etc.

I had a couple of problems back then.

Number 1

I figured out back in those days

I didn’t think love was stupid

I was scared of it.

Because no one had ever taught me about it.

All I knew was through listening to some crazy music about partying

And having girls around me or watching fake hollywood movies

And that was it.

Long story short, the things I had in my head weren’t even my ideas.

These were fed into my brain by the media.

So if you are one of those people who have the same kind of mindset maybe you have to sit down

And reconsider your ideas.

Ask yourself these questions are these really my ideas?

Am I afraid of love?

Guys, don’t get me wrong I personally value BF/GF relationships because you get to know each other before taking a bigger step which is marriage.

But still these relationships lack something.

Let me give you an example.

Can you tell your girlfriend or boyfriend?

Hey you’re spending a lot of money?

Or hey, we have to be on the budget

Or hey, actually I think we have to save some money for our future

And so on.

Can you tell them these things?

Most of the answers to these questions

Are no…

Yeah, you guys are really close

And, you say hey I love you and stuff.

But I don’t think

There is a Real WE here…

You guys are not sharing a life

To make decisions based on that

And therefore you can easily break up.

Because mostly you have options out there.

Okay I’m tired of you, so screw you

You don’t have profound respect for each other

Yeah you have respect

But it’s not profound respect.

It’s very shallow…

So there is no real WE

At least legally speaking.

So you leave yourself at a disadvantage there.

So it’s important to find the right person for your self.

Today we’re gonna talk about

Before marrying someone.

So let’s say you are in a relationship with someone for about 5 years.

You guys love each other

You wanna be with each other

So you think it’s time to make it official.

5 years is a long time man we all know this, right?

But does it guarantee that this relationship is gonna be a successful marriage?

No… not at all…

I don’t think so.

So there are a lot of data out there proving that most divorces occur because of four reasons.

If you can deal with these four things

Your chance of seeing your marriage on the rocks

Is under 10 percent.

So before marrying someone no matter how rich they are how beautiful and amazing they are always negotiate these four things before making it official.

What are those four?

1. Money

The number one thing that people fight about in marriage is money.

Because where you spend your money says a lot about what you think is important.

Imagine you are one of those guys who wants to save money who wants to be frugal.

But you married someone who is super extravagant.

And wants to spend a lot of money on different things so what’s gonna happen?

Here you go you have a reason to fight over and increase your chance of getting a divorce.

The things that you must have agreement on are budget, building wealth and staying out of debt.

So study these things, and find a partner who understands this things.

If not never get married.

And number 2 is kids…

How many kids do you want to have? and how are you going to treat them?

Because bringing up a child is really important.

How to raise them with a good system in your family

Is really vital.

So if the father does something

And the mother does something else

It’s gonna be bad for both parties.

Kids are gonna have a lot of problems and traumas that can harm their future.

And couples are gonna give each other another reason to fight over.

So make a system who’s gonna teach the children certain things?

For example if the father is good with money so let the father teach the children about it.

If the mother is good with speaking and giving advice let the mother does the consulting when the kids have problems.

And the third one is In-laws

How to treat your in-laws.

Every family has a crazy person in it

If you think that you don’t have one maybe it’s you

How are you going to treat someone who’s gonna violate a boundary at some point?

If you don’t have that setup you’re gonna get to experience it and it’s gonna be a strain on your relationship at some point.

And number 4 is Religion

I know some of you guys are rolling your eyes

And you’re like: oh, come one

But listen…

It’s very very unusual

And unlikely

For people to have a long high-quality relationship

That have two different spiritual beliefs

I don’t mean you believe in Islam o Christianity or whatever.

I’m talking about the bigger picture

Do you believe in God or not.

If you think there is a God

And your partner doesn’t think that way

You’re gonna have a huge problem.

Because your value system gives you your beliefs

Your beliefs give you your attitude

And your attitudes

Give you your actions.

And your actions are always in conflict with each other

When you don’t have basic belief systems in harmony.

That’s how you have a great relationship.

By having these four factors in harmony intentionally.

And that’s it…

See ya…