اینطوری ژست عکاسی میگیرن!

You have your Instagram set up.

you’re ready to slide into somebody’s Dm.

But look at your photos.

My grandma can pose better than you.

Let’s go over the dos

and don’ts

Of posing for photos.

Number one

Do not square your body to the camera.

Look at you,

You look flat like a piece of paper.

We want to look taller

And more muscular.

So do

So do stay angled.

45 degrees is gonna get the job done for you.

That’s why it’s better to stay on the side,

Not in the middle

When you’re taking photos.

Face the camera—

And say cheese—

Number two

Do not squash your face.

Look at that double chin.

What’s this?

Your mom’s Kashke Bademjon?

Come on—

Instead—

Do hold your chin a little higher.

It’s gonna make your chin look more refined

And more caliente—

Number Three

Do not try too hard.

Who said that if you bite your lips,

You look handsome?

Or if you squeeze yourself,

You’re gonna look tougher.

Instead do stay more effortless.

Loosen up,

Relax—

Posing for photos must be soft.

Like waves of the ocean

Like the feather of birds,

Like the wool of sheep—

ooooo—

Number Four.

Do not point at people.

What the hell is this?

What are you referring to your friends as?

An idiot?

Instead, dooo keep them relaxed.

Let it dangle baby—

Or put it in your pocket.

Much better.

Number Five

Do not make stupid faces.

Do you even need an explanation for this one?

You look stupid.

You’re ruining people’s photos.

Just do stay noble.

Why?

Because when you get 50,

you’re gonna have to find your buddy Brad,

And ask him to delete those photos.

But Brad is dead,

And your photos are all over the internet,

And you have become a meme.

People are making fun of you.

And you want to kill yourself;

Why?

Because your grandson is getting bullied at school.

Your son is disappointed and hates you.

So

So don’t make stupid faces—

Bye Bye