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ACTIVE LISTENING MAIN STORY

APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEIVING

The English language is full of idioms that encourage us to be hopeful about tragedy and failure. If someone loses a job, a well-meaning friend might say, ‘Look on the bright side.’ Something good will come of this. There’s always ‘a silver lining’. Now you’ll be able to ‘follow your passion’ instead of being stuck in a job that’s going nowhere. One day, you’ll look back and see this is ‘a blessing in disguise.’ These English expressions are popular because they are often true. Sometimes the worst experiences change our lives for the better in ways that we can’t possibly predict. The English language has far fewer ways to describe the opposite situation. Sometimes what seems to be a lucky turn of events ends up being a disaster. The closest English saying is “be careful what you wish for.” James Hayes is the poster child for this expression.

At age 35, James was working a humble job in California while living with and caring for his grandmother. He worked the graveyard shift as a security guard. His life took a turn in January of 1997 when he bought a lottery ticket. The chance of winning was a minuscule 1 in 18 million.

It was his grandmother who checked the winning numbers and broke the good news. He had won the 19 million dollar jackpot. He thought he had it made. After taxes, he cleared 13 million dollars, which he decided to take in yearly payments of close to $700,000 a year for 20 years.

Maybe James knew that many new lottery winners don’t make wise choices and thought he would be different. ‘I’m not going to blow the money,’ he said. ‘I know I’ll change. But only for the better. Mainly what I want to do is help out my family and friends in need.’ James did help out his family and friends. His wife said old friends came out of the woodwork asking for money and James was generous. She describes him as being overly generous and wearing his heart on his sleeve.

James did eventually end up blowing the money, but it wasn’t all to friends and family. He liked living the high life, so the money burned a hole in his pocket.

He snapped up fancy homes and fancy cars. Nothing was too lavish. He bought a ten thousand dollar Rolex watch, 5-star gambling trips to Las Vegas, and lots of houses. He even had a house on the beach with a Ferrari, and a Rolls Royce parked out front.

He befriended celebrities and dated actresses. He lived the jet set life, but not all was good. He said the money messed with his head. “The flip side of being wealthy is crazy. You think, ‘Do my friends like me, or just my cars, money, and the financial help I can give them?” He wouldn’t have to worry about that problem for long.

His money was running out. He divorced his wife and had to give her 50% of his winnings. He then suffered a back injury and needed surgery. His doctors gave him powerful pain medication to help him recover.

Before long, he became addicted. A combination of medical expenses, payments to his wife and bad financial investments caused him to go bankrupt in 2007. By 2015, he was a broke drug addict living in a garage.

With no money or health insurance to pay for his pain medication, he started to go through withdrawal. He described the horrible situation to a reporter.

“You’re shaking in a bed, cold, teeth chattering,” he said.

“You put extra blankets over yourself, but now you’re hot, sweating profusely. Every cell in your body is screaming in pain! Your mind tells you, ‘You need your pills and you’ll feel normal.’ It’s like when your brain tells you, ‘Breathe, you need more oxygen.’”

The only escape from the pain was to find more drugs. No longer able to afford his pain medication, he turned to heroin.

While heroin was cheaper, he still needed money to buy it. He said, “I was broke, dope-sick, pissed off at the world, living in a garage with my beloved cat looking up at me hungry.” The former millionaire snapped and decided to turn to a life of crime.

He said, “It felt like I had a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.” The angel was saying, ‘Don’t do it. You could go to prison for 20 years.’ And the devil was saying, ‘It’s Friday. You’re broke. Are you really gonna go the whole weekend without drugs, you loser?’”

After researching bank robbery techniques on the internet, he made his first score. He stuffed a pillow under his shirt and pulled a hat low over his head to disguise himself. He entered the bank and walked out with thousands of dollars. It would be the first of 13 bank robberies. In total, he stole $40,000 during his crime spree until he finally got busted.

His lawyer said, ‘Mr. Hayes was a pitiful drug addict, living in a garage and dealing with one of the worst addictions ever.” He pointed the finger at the lottery for being the root of his problems.

Hayes regrets what he did. No one ever got hurt during his bank robberies, but he worries that he may have traumatized his victims. He’s now in prison. He says it’s horrible, but it has forced him to quit drugs. In addition to getting healthy, he also says he is getting in touch with his spiritual side behind bars.

For Hayes, winning the lottery was his downfall and getting caught and going to prison saved his life.

He would probably agree that appearances can be deceiving. And our judgments on what is good and what is bad often turn out to be wrong.

An ancient Taoist parable of a farmer and his horse illustrates this truth. The story goes like this:

There once was a Chinese farmer with a horse. One day that horse ran away. All his neighbors came to him and said, how terrible that you have lost your horse. The farmer replied, maybe yes, maybe no, we’ll see. Sometime later, the horse returned to the farmer, but he didn’t return alone. He brought with him seven wild horses he had befriended. Now the farmer had eight horses. His neighbors thought he was blessed and told him so. He replied, maybe yes, maybe no, we’ll see. The next day, his son decided to train one of the wild horses. He climbed on top of it and was thrown through the air. He hit the ground hard, and broke his leg. The farmer’s neighbors again returned to console the farmer after this tragedy. They said how terrible it was that his son was hurt. The farmer replied, maybe yes, maybe no, we’ll see. During this time, the government was at war with another state. The army needed more soldiers. They came to the farmer’s village to round up all the young men. When they discovered that the farmer’s son was injured, they decided he was unfit to fight and left him. The neighbors once again returned to celebrate the farmer’s good luck. The farmer simply said, maybe yes, maybe no, we’ll see.