داستان انگلیسی بله یا خیر

ACTIVE LISTENING MAIN STORY

YES OR NO

Yes or no? These two little words can change nearly anything. Some remarkable characters have made it their mission to find out how life would change if we used either one of them more often than the other.

Tom Sykes is one of those people.

Normally, when he reads his email in the morning, Tom completely ignores the spam mail that comes along with it. But today is different. He carefully opens each email and instead of deleting the junk mail, he responds with a resounding “yes.”

Yes, he would like to buy some Viagra.

Yes, he is interested in meeting women on the internet.

Yes, he would like to share the details of his bank account.

Tom isn’t replying with a “yes” to all of his spam email for fun; he’s doing an experiment. He wants to see how his life will change if he simply says ”yes” to everything for just one week.

When Tom moved from England to New York City he noticed that his New York friends seem to say, “yes” to things much more than his English friends. Their positive attitudes made them more open to new experiences and having fun. He decides that when he moves back to England, he’ll bring this “can-do” attitude along with him. He wonders what doors might open if he lives from a place of affirmation.

But it isn’t so easy. He quickly reverts to his old ways, and finds himself habitually saying “no”, even to things that sound quite fun. After he turns down an offer to see his favorite band, he realizes that he needs to do something to break the cycle of negativity. So, he commits to saying “yes”…to absolutely everything for seven days.

That’s how he found himself saying “yes” to all that spam.

The next day, while ordering food, Tom says “yes” to french fries, a drink, and an ice cream. When the cashier asks if he wants it large, he says “yes”.

Later in the week, Tom’s friend asks if he’ll babysit his 2 year-old son overnight for him. Though he would really like to say “no”, he says yes, but doesn’t enjoy it one bit.

Much of Tom’s weeklong experiment revolves around saying “yes” to things he doesn’t want to do anyway. He concluded that being a yes-man was more work than it was worth.

Tom is not the only one to have experimented with saying “yes” more in hopes of achieving a more exciting and fulfilling life. Tom was inspired by actor, writer, comedian and filmmaker Danny Wallace, who wrote the book Yes Man.

Danny Wallace writes about a low period in his life after breaking up with a girlfriend. He found himself turning down invitations from friends and spending more and more time alone. Around this time, a stranger on a bus told him to start saying yes more to life. This was a turning point that led him to make a promise that he documents in his book.

“I, Danny Wallace, being of sound mind and body, do hereby write this manifesto for my life. I swear I will be more open to opportunity. I swear I will live my life taking every available chance. I will say Yes to every favour, request, suggestion and invitation. I WILL SWEAR TO SAY YES WHERE ONCE I WOULD SAY NO.”

Throughout the book, he tells funny stories of saying yes to ridiculous things, but also talks about how being less negative and more open changed his life for the better. This crazy experiment led him to finding a new girlfriend, a new job on TV, and writing a book that became a movie.

Of course, saying “yes” is not always the right answer, but for some people, saying “no” is a difficult thing to do. We are bombarded by requests for our attention. Friends, family and advertisers all hope we will say “yes” to a product, an experience, or an idea. And saying yes, means giving up our time and attention, two things that are in limited supply. Economists say we’ve transitioned from an information economy to an “attention economy.” Human attention has become one of our most valuable resources. The old phrase “pay attention” even contains the idea that attention itself can be a form of payment.

With an economy that revolves around our willingness to pay attention and say “yes”, learning to say “no” is not an easy task for many people.

Stef Lewandowski says that he was a yes-man. Naturally inclined to say “yes”, he often found himself stressed and without time for himself. One day, he read an article written by a friend who vowed to make more space in his life by saying “no” more often. He ended the article with the wise words, “The power of your “yes” is defined by how often you say “no”.” Struck by the truth of his friend’s words, Stef became committed to saying “no” more himself. He turned investors down and declined invites to parties. He said “no” more often than he said “yes”. All the while, he was nervous that he would lose friends, or that his business would suffer, but the opposite began to happen. His most important projects thrived. His group of friends became smaller, but closer. He noticed that people were less interested in whether he said “yes” or “no”, and more interested in whether or not he was being authentic in his response.

Saying “yes” all of the time may lead to unnecessary stress, while saying “no” too often can lead to isolation and loneliness, but what about just being honest? Saying how you really feel when you feel it?

Well, that’s exactly what A.J. Jacobs decided to do. For a full week he attempted to tell the truth about absolutely everything. This included saying “yes” when he meant ”yes”, and saying “no” when he meant ”no”. His experiment was inspired by a fringe movement called “Radical Honesty,” started by psychotherapist Brad Blanton.

According to Brad, everyone would be happier if we all told the truth, all the time. Basically, he suggests saying whatever pops into your mind, without filtering it at all. “If you think it, say it.” Brad even recommends telling your boss when you resent him, and telling your wife or husband when you have thoughts about other women or other men. He says it’s the “only path to authentic relationships.”

So what happened when Jacobs tried radical honesty out? Well, he began his experiment by telling a child that her pet bug was not sleeping; it was dead. He told a friend of his that he resented him for not inviting him to his wedding. And while his wife was in mid-story, he told her that he didn’t want to listen anymore unless there was a payoff.

Throughout the week he said countless things that offended, annoyed, and surprised his company.

And while he often felt he was being rude, he also felt relieved each time he told the truth. Even though his comments frequently caused discomfort, they often led to deeper, more fulfilling conversations, and ultimately, deeper connections. For example, when he told his boss that he resented him for not responding more promptly to his email, Jacobs was shocked that his boss apologized and vowed to do better.

But he dropped the experiment when an elderly friend, who had lost his wife, sent him poems about her passing, asking for Jacobs’ opinion. Despite the fact that Jacobs didn’t think the poems were very well written, he felt like he couldn’t tell the grieving man this because he didn’t want to hurt him more. He lied, saying he liked the poems, and hoped they would be published soon.

Looking back, Jacobs concluded that radical honesty not only brought him deeper connections, but also hundreds of small, but relentless confrontations each day.

While a radical “yes” or “no” approach to life, and even radical honesty are all recipes for upheaval and confrontation, maybe that’s a good thing. When we’re forced to temporarily step outside our comfort zone of everyday patterns and habits, we create the potential for real self-growth. New possibilities, new experiences and a greater understanding of who we are could just be a yes or no away. Disagree? Feel free to be radically honest. I can take it.