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Alright people.

What’s up?

Today we will have some laugh and learn some cool vocabulary.

Today we will listen to three jokes from the comic genius Louis C K.

and I’ll break them down for you so you can understand the jokes better.

These are the jokes…

Number 1: Men are the worst thing that ever happened to women.

Number 2: I hate to put on my socks.

And number 3: A casual day in my courtyard.

Let’s listen to the first joke

I’ll come back and teach you the important vocabulary.

“We’re the number-one threat to women.

Globally and historically, we’re the number-one cause of injury and mayhem to women.

We’re the worst thing that ever happens to them.

That’s true.

You know what our number-one threat is?

Heart disease.

That’s the whole thing.

That’s it,

just our own heart going, “dude, I can’t “

you can’t keep doing this.

I told you three strokes ago that this is not smart,”

But women still–

“yeah, I’ll go out with you alone at night”.

What are you?

nuts?

“I’ll get in your car with you with my little shoulders.

Hi.

Where are we going?

“to your death, statistically”.

How do they still do it?

If you’re a guy, try to imagine that you could only date A half-bear, half-lion,

And you’re like,

“oh, I hope this one’s nice.

I hope he doesn’t do what he’s going to do”.

Okay I am back ladies and gents.

The first word is “mayhem”.

Globally and historically, we’re the number-one cause of injury and mayhem to women.

Mayhem means violence or damage.

Here Louie is jokingly saying that we men hurt women.

Next one “threat”

You know what our number-one threat is?

Heart disease.

Threat means something that causes danger or damage.

Like if I hold a gun to your face and say I’ll kill you

this is a threat.

The next one is “ to go out with someone”

This is super common.

“yeah, I’ll go out with you alone at night”.

To go out with someone means to spend time with them outside.

like going to the cinema, or to a restaurant and so on…

It can be a romantic date or just a friendly hangout.

And the last vocabulary from the first joke is “ statistically”

Hi, Where are we going?

” “to your death, statistically”.

Statistically means according to statistics like charts, research, documents and so on.

Okay let’s listen to the second joke

“The worst part of my day, worst part of every day of my life, is when I have to put on my socks.

Putting on my socks is the worst part of every day, and it always will be.

Even if I have a terrible day in the future where my grandmother is murdered by my other grandmother,

If that ever happened to me, the worst part of that day Will be when I put on my socks

because– Putting on my socks, that means I have to here’s what I have to do, I have to get my hands past my pointed toe.

I don’t even know how I do it.

I’m sitting here.

I don’t know how I do that.

It’s ‘cause you have to, it’s like folding a bowling ball in half.

Soon as I start, I can feel I’m pushing all the fat up into my vital organs, And I just feel all the systems failing.

“beep, beep, beep!

And I have to, like, lay on my back like an eight-year-old And go like this, and I start passing out.

Uhh!

And I know other people’s lives are hard, Ha ha ha!

I know.

I saw an interview on TV with Michael J, Fox, And he has Parkinson’s, and he was describing Brushing his teeth,

and he said It takes him two hours a day, and he said it’s agony, And I saw this and I thought, “OK.

That’s hard”.

That is hard,

And so is putting on my socks.

Sorry, Michael.

Doesn’t make it easier to know about your thing.

Tell you what.

I’ll help you brush your teeth, you help me with the socks.

First word “to put on something”.

The worst part of every day of my life, is when I have to put on my socks.

It means to wear something.

here he’s saying the hardest thing is his life is to wear his socks.

Second word is “to murder someone”

Even if I have a terrible day in the future where my grandmother is murdered by my other grandmother

To murder someone means to kill them intentionally.

It’s a crime because you are doing it unlawfully.

I guess If you kill someone lawfully it’s not going to be considered a murder…

I guess…

By the way the next one is “ to fold something”

It’s cause you have to, it’s like folding a bowling ball in half.

Here he says “ cause you have to… and then he stops…

in real English you suddenly change your sentence… that’s completely natural.

And then he says “it’s like folding a bowling ball in half”

To fold something means to bend it.

like folding a piece of paper… like this!

Next one: “ to pass out”

and I start passing out.

To pass out means to become unconscious.

You go to sleep because you are too tired or somebody hit you or you lost all of your energy…

so in general it means to lose consciousness…

The last one for this joke is “agony”

he said It takes him two hours a day, and he said it’s agony

Agony means super painful, extreme suffering.

It can be mental or physical.

OK.

Let’s listen to the third joke.

I’m sitting on the stone bench of this courtyard And feeling a little out of place.

You know, there’s these fancy doormen and stuff, And then there’s this guy looking at me.

I notice he’s looking at me from across the courtyard,

And he’s all spiffy-looking.

He’s got brown shoes, and he’s looking at me like, “hmm”.

I can tell he was thinking I don’t live in the building.

He thinks I just wandered in off the streets and sat in the courtyard.

I can tell he’s thinking of coming over and dealing with me on his own, and I’m sitting there thinking, Like, “oh, please do that.

Yes, Please, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on,”

And I’m trying to look even more gross, and I’m, like, pulling up my shirt, “uhh”, And then I see him go, “oh, no.

That’s not gonna do at all,” And he comes over to me, “hmm,”

and I’m like, “mm Num num num!

” I’m so excited to have this thing,

a confrontation Where I’m not wrong at all and he thinks I am.

So he comes over, says, “excuse me, “do you live in this building?

And I said, “no,”

‘cause why not start there?

I said, “no”.

He goes, “well then, what are you doing here?

And I said, “I just need to rest, I’m having a hard time”.

He says, “this is private property,”

And I said, “well, I don’t really believe in that”.

You know, just the worst things I could say from his point of view

Is basically all the things I was saying, And he goes, “well, if you don’t leave, I’m gonna talk to the doorman”.

I was like, “Can I just stay, like, five more hours?

So he’s–“hmm, no,” and he goes over to the doorman

And I see him talking about me to the doorman like this,

And then I see the doorman going, “oh, no.

That guy lives here, It’s OK,”

Ah, and the look on his face mwah mwah, Num num!

It was just so, It was this beautiful cocktail of anger and confusion.

It’s like I had invented a new way to hurt somebody’s feelings.

That’s how excited I was.

Okay the first one “to feel out of place”

I’m sitting on the stone bench of this courtyard And feeling a little out of place.

To feel out of place means you have a sense that it’s inappropriate for you to be there.

So in this joke, Louie feels like he doesn’t belong to that courtyard.

Next one is “spiffy looking”

And he’s all spiffy-looking.

If someone or something is spiffy, it means they are fancy or dressed up.

Next one “to wander off”

He thinks I just wandered in off the streets

To wander off means to stray…

here Louie is saying, the other person thought he was straying or roaming around like a homeless person…

The next one is “to deal with someone”

he’s thinking of coming over and dealing with me on his own,

It means to manage or handle someone or something, usually someone or something unpleasant.

The next one is “confrontation”

a confrontation Where I’m not wrong at all

Basically a confrontation is an argument or a fight.

A face to face situation.

Okay ladies and gents that’s it for today.

Thanks for watching, bye bye!